In my admittedly small circle of female friends, several are going through marital difficulty or separation due in part to their husband’s infidelity. One friend has been dealing with her serial cheater spouse for more than five years. She keeps catching him, he keeps lying, she threatens divorce, he claims to have ended the affair, rinse and repeat. A couple of years ago, she discovered the identity of the (then-current) Other Woman and contacted OW’s husband with proof of the affair. This resulted in a confrontation at morning drop-off outside the local elementary school between my friend and the OW that was witnessed by all and sundry: parents, teachers, kids, the janitor, you name it. It is gossiped about to this day by the local Mommy Mafia.
Another friend has just recently uncovered evidence of her husband’s affair. She looked through his cell phone and noticed an unfamiliar number which popped up repeatedly. She jotted the number down to give to a guy who knows someone who knows how to find the name and address associated with the number. She wants to drive by the house and see the Other Woman.
In the week before my husband moved out, he forgot his phone at home when he went to work one day. Yep, I snooped. I discovered inappropriate text messages and photos. I made a note of the phone numbers and content which I placed in a file for my lawyer. I did a free reverse look-up online for the most explicit text (it was a phone number originating out of state), but that’s as far as I went.
There’s a visceral reaction to finding out your spouse is cheating. You wonder what’s she got that I don’t? Is she prettier? Thinner? More adventurous? We think she must be a beautiful blonde 20-something with a killer body. But what if she’s not? What if she’s a seedy 40-something with gray streaks in her lank brunette hair and a muffin-top straining her too-tight dirty jeans? Which makes us feel worse? Why would either make us feel better or worse? And why do we want to know?
I’ve decided I strongly prefer not to know any more than I already do. The breach of trust, along with absolutely everything else, is enough to destroy what was left of our marriage. I told my track-her-down-through-her-cell-number friend that you can’t un-know what you find out, you can’t un-see that woman. If cheating is the straw that breaks the marriage, knowing any more about the OW just hurts you.
- How Wayward Males Feel “After the Affair” (recoveringwayward.wordpress.com)
- How Do I Build Myself Up After My Husband’s Affair (forallwomentoknow.blogspot.com)
- I Can F*ck Your Husband. (krisaela.wordpress.com)