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List of Star Wars air, aquatic, and ground veh...

List of Star Wars air, aquatic, and ground vehicles (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve been emailing back and forth with Voldemort about the 2012 taxes, listing the family home for sale, and picking up all the personal belongings he abandoned when he moved out a year and a half ago.

The 2012 taxes ended up needing to be jointly filed.  It was more beneficial to both of us and my lawyer suggested I broach the subject with him.  So I emailed and gave two options.  Option 1:  he send me his W-2 and I deal with it.  Option 2:  I send him the supporting paperwork and he deal with it.  Guess which one he picked?  Yep, option 1.

It took him awhile to locate/obtain his W-2, but I received it no problem.  I used the same tax prep software as usual (so it would import the previous year’s data) and got the taxes done.  I e-filed the returns and printed copies of the returns and the e-filing verification.  Then I mailed copies of everything to him with the e-file verification on top.  A week later I got a note from the mailman to go into the post office to pick up a certified mail large envelope from Voldemort.

What the what?

Sigh.  He signed the tax return copies and mailed them back to me via certified and return receipt mail.  The refunds had already been deposited into our joint checking account.  Whatever.  I stuck the envelope in my divorce file box.

He agreed to using a realtor friend of mine to list the house, which will save us at least $10,000 as she charges a flat fee instead of a percentage commission.  Yay!

He adroitly avoided dealing with his belongings for several weeks, but I persisted.  Finally he emailed me last week that he could come by on Friday.  Hooray!  My dad and I moved all the boxes, chain mail (not kidding), and archery bows out to the driveway for easy pickup.  Then we dug around in the garage rafters and found another dozen or so boxes of important stuff.  Important stuff like Voldemort’s school papers (he’s 50 and these are from his undergrad years); unopened model airplane kits; half-finished model airplane kits; and a crap-ton of Star Wars toys and action figures.

Lest you think me an idiot, I knew the Star Wars stuff was up there.  It was a bone of contention for many years in our relationship.  He was convinced that spending money we didn’t have at the time would pay off later when he sold the figures for big bucks.  It was Voldemort’s idea of a college savings plan.  So I had pulled down a couple of the boxes and looked up the values on 100 or so items before I got completely bored.

The Star Wars stuff is worth about 25% of retail value.  Why so low?  Because everybody had the same idea.  There’s no shortage of this stuff.

On Friday morning, the landline phone rang.  I answered.  It was Voldemort calling from the driveway.  He didn’t understand why I included all the Star Wars toys in his giant pile-o-stuff.  I explained that I didn’t have any clue as to where to liquidate the toys for cash and no understanding of the variations of certain figures that might make them worth more.  He was nonplussed but he took all the boxes.

I think he expected me to deal with selling or storing all those toys.  No way, dude.  You bought ’em, you sell ’em.

And he apparently has such big issues with me that he can’t even come to the door to ask me a question face-to-face.  There’s no way we can ever have even a stilted, awkward co-parenting relationship as long as he’s calling me from the driveway.  Good grief.  On the other hand, no face time with Voldemort is completely fine with me, so yay!

It’s all good.  And now I can get to sorting through all the stuff that’s left in anticipation of the huge community-wide garage sale in two weeks!