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Gold star

Gold star (Photo credit: katherine.a)

Throughout the divorce process so far, I’ve fallen into the “good girl” groove.  I listen to my attorney attentively.  I fill out the paperwork and return it promptly.  I dig up supporting documents without complaint.

Voldemort and his lawyer ignore deadlines.  Voldemort doesn’t respond to petitions.  He hasn’t made any disclosures to date.

And it’s pissing me off.

I  want a gold star for being responsible.   I want the lawyers and judge to see me as the good spouse.  In some really perverse way, I’m waiting for someone to acknowledge what a good girl I am.

Good grief.

What I really want is for everyone to realize the divorce isn’t my fault, because somewhere inside I’m still blaming myself.  I’m still taking responsibility for Voldemort’s bad choices.  I’m not just owning my part, I’m still owning the whole damn thing.

It’s also driving me nuts that the lawyers wait until less than a week before a deadline to actually do anything.  So…some control issues for me, too.

This is a long and twisted road.  It’s hard to get my ego calmed down enough to take responsibility for only my part and let the lawyers do their jobs.  It’s going to take as long as it takes.  But eventually, there will be a final decree.  Eventually this will be over.  And it’s not all my job to make everything happen.