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wine snark card

On Saturday, two months to the day since we moved into the townhouse, I received a letter from the Homeowner’s Association.  The significant portion of this letter read:

“It was recently reported that residents in this unit hold loud, late night garage parties that disturb the neighbors.  Please be a courteous neighbor by keeping the garage door closed and do not hold loud parties late into the night.”


I’m not sure where to start.  Do I confess that this garage, like the garages at every other residence I’ve had, is a pit of despair?  Do I ask why in the hell I’d have a party in my garage when I have an entire townhouse and back patio, all of which are more conducive to partying?  Do I check Urban Dictionary to see if “garage party” is slang for cooking meth or kinky sex?

I’d really like to know who I pissed off.  And how.  I’ve barely spoken to anyone here and I’m in bed by 10 every night (except the last two Sundays when “Sherlock” ran until 11:30.  Although I watched it in bed, so maybe that counts.)

I’ve decided to simply fill out the violation response form like a grown-up:

I believe I am not in violation for the following reason(s):  My garage is used for laundry and storage only.  There have been no parties — loud, late at night or otherwise — in my garage.  In fact, there have been no loud, late night parties anywhere on my property.  This violation notice was sent to my address in error.

I was afraid to get too sassy as I haven’t waded through the HOA’s 100+ pages of Covenants, Conditions & Restrictions yet and Heisenberg only knows what they do to smart-asses around here.

The weather’s great, but the people are whack, yo.