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I’m almost 52 and never learned to touch type.

Back in the Stone Age when I was in high school, typing classes were offered.  (The student ratio was approximately 10 females for every 1 male, which in retrospect was a pretty canny move on the part of that one guy.)  And they used actual manual typewriters.  Somewhere toward the end of my time in that educational gulag, electric typewriters were made available, but only for the advanced classes.

At any rate, I never took typing.

I took Home Ec.

Sheesh, what a bone-headed choice that proved to be.  I wish they’d let girls take Wood Shop, that would’ve been a life skill worth having.  But it was unheard of in 1979.

So I’ve signed up for an online typing course called “TypingQuest.”  According to the pre-test, I can actually type 40 words per minute with 98% accuracy, as long as I’m allowed to do it my way.  As soon as I go into the “home position” and don’t look at the keyboard, my speed drops to 8 snail-paced words per minute and my accuracy goes down to 85%.

It’s like teaching a hamster to do calculus.

Obviously, I need lessons and practice.  Lots and lots of both.  I’m working my way through the structured lessons and then playing the typing “games” for reinforcement.  It’s proving incredibly frustrating to retrain myself to not look at my hands while typing.  I catch myself doing it, wrench my eyes away, and slow way down.

Plus I tend to move my whole hand around, not just the appropriate finger (no, not that one) which leads to even more mistakes.

I need a workout routine to build up the muscles in my pinkie fingers.  I don’t use them for anything, except to crook them above the keyboard in a bizarre homage to British tea-drinking.  They’re weak and tend to roll all over the place when in “home position.”

My goal is to touch type at least 60 words a minute accurately and sign up with a temp agency, which would then open long-term employment doors.

I think.

Once I master touch typing (assuming I don’t die trying), maybe I’ll upgrade my flip phone and learn how to text.  Texting’s still a thing, isn’t it?