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I bought one of these (www.flick-candles.myshopify.com) in anticipation of Thursday — the day I signed the Marital Settlement Agreement, which will ultimately become my divorce papers.

The back of the candle reads: “Nothing captures the rich parchment of a legal document declaring an end to your failed marriage like Freshly Signed Divorce Papers. It’s not like everyone around you didn’t see this coming, and with the light from this candle now you can see it too. Part happy, part sad, a little relieved, and unsure of your future financial stability: the complex emotions of divorce are captured in this very complex candle.”

I figured I’d need some snark upon returning from my attorneys’ office. Boy, was I right.

Divorce sucks.  And it’s still not over.  His lawyer plays fast and loose with the paperwork, so of course some crucial bits were missing.  My lawyer is preparing the missing papers and will send them over next week.  Who knows how long it will take for Voldemort to sign and return.  Then everything gets bundled up and sent to the judge.

Current backlog in San Diego County Superior Court: two to six months.

WTFever.  This candle should smell like burning money.