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It’s been over a year since my last contact with my almost former mother-in-law, via a bizarre message she left on my answering machine about Christmas (in March). The last time I actually spoke to her was December 2012 and the last time I saw her was December 2011.

She hasn’t contacted or acknowledged any of the kids since 2012.

So of course she randomly emailed me this weekend with “The past is the past, let’s be friends.”

Knowing how she treated me when we were “family” I can only surmise that she would slit my throat and dump my body in the desert if we were “friends.”

No, thanks. I have no interest in playing the dead body on an episode of “Dateline.”